September 4, 1981

Dear John Jacob Jinglehammer Diary,

Tooday I was born. That's all I haf to say bout that. Oh wate. Just kiding. My momma Gertrude an my papa Lenrd named me Pat Rick Lenrd Alowishus Ronald Patrick Dean Lawson. But of cours they will only cal me Pat Rick. I am exited too see the rest of my life! I am soore it will be hapy.

Love,

Pat Rick

August 29, 1986

Dear John Jacob Jinglehammer Diary,

Tooday my momma an papa took me swiming yay!
They took me to the lake be hynd are howse where the cows swimm sometimes but they wanst swiming tooday. Good thing.
We had a piknik an my momma fixt potatoe saled yum! An she fixt ham an cheeze sanwitches an graips well she dint fix them but she pikt them yoo know.
Papa tot me how to swimm I dint droun! He tole me I was gon be a rite good swimer one day.
Momma askt me if I was nerverse bout my first ever day of skool I sed heck yes!
She said dont yoose that langerge boy.
I sed sory momma yes I am nerverse for skool what if no won likes me?
She sed Pat Rick dont be nerverse ererybody wil like you long as you smyl.
I sed like this I shod her my best smyl.
Yep she sed jus like that.
It was the hapiest day in my entre lyfe.
I cant wate for skool tomoro.

Love,
Pat Rick

June 13, 1991

Dear John Jacob Jinglehammer Diary,

Tooday my momma named Gertrude went to the grocerie stor she sed. She left reely erly but she dint come back. I says she must got lost, but Papa wont say nothing.
He wached baseball on the new TB tooday an I wached it with him but I cant rember who one.

Love,
Pat Rick

June 14, 1991

Dear John Jacob Jinglehammer Diary

Tooday I askd Papa why Momma dint come home from the grocerie stor. Cause I was geting reely hungrey by then and Momma was brining home supper from yestreday and it was already lunch from tooday!
Papa sed that Momma is not coming agin home.
I sed ferever?
He sed yes
I sed why
He sed I dont know
Then he cryed.
Then I went swiming.

Love,
Pat Rick

September 12, 1992

Dear John Jacob Jinglehammer Diary,

You no whatt diarry? My absolootte bestest frand that I haf is Papa. Erery day wen I come hom from skool he is swepping like crazy. He keeps are hows so cleen so cleen that I can go swiming in the bathtub.
And then aftre he gets don with swepping we watch footbal somtimes. I alwais go for the red teem becaus thatts my favrite coler.

Love,
Pat Rick

May 28, 1999

Dear John Jacob Jinglehammer Diary,

Tooday I gradiated. I got a bloo robe and a weerd hat with a string attashed too it. It was pretty I liked it.
After my gradiation Papa took me to a reel fanci restrant named MacDonalds.
He askd me what I was gon to do with the rest of my life.
I sed I want to swimm for the rest of my life.
He sed no I ment for a job.
I sed O.
Then I sed I wood like to be a asternot caus then I cood see the moon.
He sed you shood be somthing difrent caus it cost lots of mony to go to the moon.
I sed then what shood I be Papa?
He sed you wood be a reel good janiter
I sed but I do not even no how to swepp the floar!
He sed then I will teech you.
So I will be a janiter for the rest of my life. I soore am exited.

Love,
Pat Rick

August 16, 1999

Dear John Jacob Jinglehammer Diary,

Tooday was my frist day of werk. I alredy like it maybe swepping can be my speshal T.
Frist I met Prenceple Randall Scott he is reel nice he entradoosed me to my fello janiter his name is Doug Collins.
Hello Pat Rick I wil show you wher ererything is he sed.
Wow I sed you shoore do haf a cool acksent I sed how did you get it?
I am from Britin he sed I was in a band at one tyme and are bus broke doun about a myle from here he sed so now am a janiter.
Wow I sed you shoore did get luky I sed.
He lookt at me like I was weerd but he showt me my stuf now I am so exited that I am jigling all my tows at the same tyme.

Love,
Pat Rick